My past haunts me. I know I’m not alone, but that gives me very little reprieve. If anything it makes matters worse within my mind, as it jumps from conclusion to conclusion. My traumas, though severely consequential to my life, are small in comparison to what many other people have been through. I have a difficult time of validating the state of my mental health to myself.
I have been rather isolated of late. I’m feeling quite a bit better, but I’m also worried of being overwhelmed. As I write that and reread it, it sounds ridiculous. Being worried about an emotion you may have in the future. It definitely doesn’t make sense. Part of the problem is that I know that, however, I behave in a way as if the idea has never even occurred to me.
I have actually been enjoying playing with HTML and CSS again as I fancy up my space of the web a bit. It is a nice escape that I also feel isn’t completely wasteful. It motivates me to work on other projects in my life I’ve been putting off, including helping one of my roommates with a game he has created. He would like me to use my dusty photoshop skills to make a banner of some sort. Of course I want to do it as I miss designing, and I want to be there for a friend in need. I have been having problems with motivation though, and fortunately this on-a-whim WordPress adventure has helped quite a bit. Yay for public fucking diaries!